A Scary Diagnosis and Can’t Find Words? Here’s A Written Prayer for You

Father God,

You say when I am weak, then I am strong. Well, I am weak. There’s not an ounce of strength left in me.

I received a diagnosis from the doctor that scares me. I thought I was fine, healthy. But my test results say otherwise. I am very sick. I don’t want to be sick. I don’t like being sick!

I delayed talking to you God because I am still in shock. I am aware that I have said “I” multiple times. I feel guilty. Usually, my prayers are for other people and their circumstances. But I need prayer this time. This really is about me. All me.

My diagnosis is unexpected. It feels heavy. The sun is shining outside, but I am in a dark place.

I am numb, apart from the aloneness that comes with a bad health report. My friends and family say they will walk this journey with me, but I know no one can walk it for me.

My stomach is in knots. I can’t eat, or sleep. My tears come easily. I am acutely aware of my mortality. Is this where my end begins? 

As I talk through this with you God, I can feel anger rising in me. I know it’s ugly, but I can’t help it. My family needs me. Besides, we planned our vacation for next month. I have a job. Bills to pay. People are counting on me. I go to church. I tithe. I am faithful to you. Why is this happening to me? 

Father, I need your peace – the kind that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

I need your new mercies every day for the things that are ahead of me. (Lam. 3 22-23)

I need your sufficient grace to cover the things that my flesh cannot overcome. (2 Cor. 12:9)

Hold me close Father in my pain and provide me strength when I am tired. Comfort me deep in the depths of my soul. (Psalm 34:18)

Collect my tears, record each one. (Psalm 56:8)

Be my refuge, an ever-present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

God, I am at the end of myself. There is nowhere to turn but to you. I am realizing that this is exactly where you want me to be. Not alone - by myself. But alone with You. Just you and me. A holy Father and his hurting child. 

Oh God, I am undone.

I am listening to you now. I hear you saying, ‘surrender.’

Lord, I will. It may take me a minute or a few days. Please, help me surrender this awfulness to you. Take my fear, anger, weakness, my need for control. All. Of. It. I surrender all.

As I sit here with my bible open, I see that your half-brother, James, wrote that trials produce endurance and that I should count it all joy when trials come. I can’t believe I am saying this, I don’t understand it, and I don’t want to ask for it; but bless me, Lord, with endurance and joy! You know what is best for me!

God, I am starting to realize that this trial will reveal my faith at its weakest point, yet with each test, it will mature. Help me to embrace the pain of your purpose.

Thank you for reminding me that I must focus on you, listen to you, learn from you, and trust you. Help me to persevere and learn all that you want me to learn.

Thank you for what you have already done for me. I am remembering your goodness and graciousness in my life.

Thank you for revealing my diagnosis now and for the doctors, nurses who are caring for me.

Thank you God for your love, your forgiveness, my salvation. (John 3:16)

I understand that this trial isn’t only about me. It is about you and me. Our relationship and my faith in you God when life gets hard. Help me to trust and obey you. (Proverbs 3:5-6; John 14:15)

I am more than my diagnosis, and what I do with it and how I do it, matters. Your power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:10) Overpower my weakness with your strength. I believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13) Lord, I ask for my healing, (James 5: 13-18) but I also pray that you turn this diagnosis into a higher purpose.

In the powerful name of Jesus Christ, I ask and trust for these things.

Amen.